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Its Brittney Bitch <3

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Ohhh life. [October 1st|12.30pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So, i have a bit of stuff going on in my life at the moment. Hence the random jump back on the LJ train. I guess I need somewhere to record my thoughts. Somewhere only a few people have access to and most of them aren't close enough to do harm.

I used to write so much in here. Daily. More than once a day. Any feeling or thought I had I brought it here and there was a time I had so many friends here, from all over the place. And they loved me and really cared and gave their comfort and interest to my words.

I miss that.

Despite everything, I've come to terms with the past and it is what it is. Apologies aside, I had to move on just as much as they did. And I have. But just because I made mistakes doesn't mean my heart isn't as good as it was or that I dont have thoughts anymore.

So in a nutshell, im back for a bit. Till life gets too busy and LJ fades out again. Sooo, if anyone reads this and wants to be friends! COooooooOOOool =D

ps: and now i go and try and get tidus's ultimate weapon in ffx. Oui.

[ hold me ]

Ohhh boy, its been awhile. [September 26th|11.47am]
I wish LJ wasn't dead!
[ dont let go ] 1 - [ hold me ]

you know what i wonder? [December 31st|7.52am]
ive been spending the past 4-5 years convincing myself that i was young and dumb and completely in control of myself when i fucked everything up with her. everytime i try and talk to her? i get a wave of her "friends" telling me how fucked up i am and how i never loved her.

so if i never loved her, why, to this day to i feel like i need to see her. like i need to.

i know i never will. i know i don't deserve it. but its such a strong yearning. god i hate myself.
[ dont let go ] 1 - [ hold me ]

sooo [November 2nd|12.18pm]
i was bowser for halloween. we didn't finish it completely. there are a few things i want to fix for next year but nonetheless it was epic and im so proud of it. honestly ive never done any kind of project like this let alone such a huge ass costume. but its amazing. let me know what you think!

bowssaaaCollapse )
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costume update [October 28th|3.48pm]
so its tuesday. we have two full days to finish bowser! here is my progress.

BOWSAACollapse )
[ hold me ]

dun dun [October 11th|12.35am]
soooo i finished the rough draft of the body for my costume this year. i just need to fit it a little better and clean up some stitches. then on to the shell, head, arms, tail, feet & hands. Oh man hope i can finish.

pictureCollapse )
[ dont let go ] 5 - [ hold me ]

i is alive [October 7th|2.15am]
and well. working. chillen. the usual. a lot has happened but i don't really feel like anything major has happened. you know? little personal hardships and accomplishments. nothing that is worth enough explaining to the average person. but overall im doing good. trying to make money. getting ready for the holidays. trying to stay optimistic.

yeaCollapse )
[ dont let go ] 1 - [ hold me ]

twilight series [September 13th|10.54am]
finished the first book. now im on new moon and seriously, this series is breaking my heart. its so sad. i feel like a loser balling my eyes out at 3 in the morning. haaaaa.
[ hold me ]

sooo [September 6th|2.09am]
i talked with jeff for awhile tonight and i think we're back on opening a pet shop up around here. honestly, its a 50/50. it would either work really well because it would be, hopefully, one of a kind and ALOT cleaner/friendlier then the other pet centers around here. I know as a basic rule of thumb most people don't care as much about animals as i do, and maybe if i had a really clean and healthy inventory of pets it wouldn't matter. but then again it may. every store around here, i go into, is overcrowded. dirty. and just a poor business. birds...no...MACAWS left in small cages with one conure sized toy and they wonder why it chews its tail off.

huge pet store chains that care more about making a sale then spending time with the animals and making them fit for owners.

and most importantly i would want it to be small and comfortable so i could get to know the possible owners of whatever animals i had in stock. AND i would only carry exotics. or at least breeds/animals that are somewhat hard to comeby. gotta have some aspect of competition.

So im pretty excited to look into it more. I actually know a few people that had started small little pet centers. i think i shall call em up. maybe ill even do a strictly birds store. we have regal reptiles. fishbowl. but no specialty in bird places. hmm.

on another note we also decided to start making homemade bird toys. it could be the start of a nice little business.
[ hold me ]

radiohead. [September 4th|12.47am]
ughhh. man sometimes i hate that i have insomnia. too much time alone to wallow in my self pity.

i just dont know anymore. i feel like my life is going NO WHERE. at all. i work for a company that is more than likely going to go under soon. i have no education to fall on. i have no immediate motivation or ideas to make a career. im in debt. im broke. my friends are becoming obsolete and my relationship is falling apart.

fuck me.
[ dont let go ] 1 - [ hold me ]

waaa [August 29th|7.25am]
im so debating my next gamer tat. like hard core. ive been wanting a cute ff theme like chocobo's and moogles. but im not so sure, im honestly thinking about a Red XIII tat. ive connected with him more than any character in any game. and he's cute. and bad ass. and just...i don't know. ive also been thinking about a bahamut tat. its a summon that is in virtually every game and he is probably the coolest most awesomest summon ever. and ive wanted a dragon tat for sooo long i could kill two birds with one stone.

[ hold me ]

had to let kovu get some fame. [August 24th|2.54am]
my beardie!

clickCollapse )
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[August 23rd|1.24am]
pictures!Collapse )
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i dont get it [August 22nd|11.43am]
so, im finally on disc two of final fantasy 7. can i just say, i cried like a little bitch when aerith died. seriously i wasn't expecting it to happen so fast and so soon. i was like weeping while fighting fricken jenova thingy. oh man this game kills me.
[ dont let go ] 4 - [ hold me ]

things just [August 14th|2.08am]
never seem to really, go the way you expect. its not really worse or better, just completely...different.

i can honestly say i am in a position in life that i never even fathomed...ever. 5 years ago. 10 years ago. shit, one fucking year ago. i would have never even dreamt id be sitting here with the life i have.

its not better or worse than i what i wanted. it just...is.

the past week ive been in a rut. a depression. a literal fog. ive been moody and almost always irritated. ive been overly sensitive and dramatic. i wanted to blame on it something. maybe im going through another episode where my hormones get out of balance and ill get my period for 7 months again. that was fun.

i just cant help but think about how different my life could be if i had just made different choices.

i cant help but miss people that are no longer in my life. i miss my old job. i miss my old friends. i miss my old life. i was so happy then.

i fucking hate myself right now. i hate the way i think. i hate the way i act. i hate the way i pull away from everyone i have left.

[ dont let go ] 1 - [ hold me ]

[August 8th|3.20am]
the more i watch dexter the more i realize how much we are alike. i mean im not as extreme as him, and i guess i dont have an addiction for killing. but i dont feel like other people. i dont go through the emotions like people do. i pretend to, but i dont. its so hard to explain. im not heartless, but i distance myself. im safe. and im not sure ill ever stop it. ever.
[ hold me ]

you know what. [August 7th|12.28am]
every time i make an rp it NEVER works, but i have a pretty fucking good idea for an RP. A final fantasy AU rpg, with a "lost" story line. lost as in the abc hit show. mysterious island, plane crash, others, blah blah. but all with final fantasy characters. its crazy. BUT it could work! and it would...be...amazing! im doin it. anyone down to join? or help.
[ hold me ]

howdy. [August 7th|12.16am]
ahhh lj land. such bittersweet comfort here. have you guys heard of the new or maybe old, insanejournal.com? i swear, i can never get into anything else but here.

ironic if you ask me. my time spent on the interwebs has been nothing short of...interesting. my muses are tingling, especially with the fact that ive finally started playing ff7. i need to find an rp. im almost tempted to put a post up on shiva dancing. but alas, i know too well what its like when an rp dies. and lemme say, its dying if not dead.

ive been looking for communities for ff7 and showtime's Dexter. its mostly graphic comms, which dont get me wrong, is cool but man. i just want a conversation area.

but anyway. final fantasy 7 has been nothing like i had imagined. i always felt it seemed over rated and just so basic compared to 8+. Im still on the first disc so i have a lot to go but the character devolopment is truly amazing given the time and amount of charries introduced. i feel connected to all of them. save for yuffie and cait sith. but the story is crazy interesting and the battles never get old because it seems much more reasonable then other ff games. like you can actually level up pretty quickly and your MP is realistic and blah blah. NERD NERD NERD.

anyway yea, this is my life right now. awesssome.
[ hold me ]

[August 3rd|12.54pm]
sooooooo whats up guys? i felt like i should write in here, not sure about what. i figured maybe it would give me the chance to let any built up ish out. life has been pretty meh lately. ever since jesse died, its been like this weird funk ive been in.

i didn't know him. i mean id talked to him maybe...3 times. but i saw him ALL the time. at the mall, and at school when i went. He's the reason me and shanese ever listened to the band CHIODOS, and they are like our lives. Ive been reading like all the comments on his myspace and shit and it just makes me soooo sad. I feel weird feeling that way cause again i didnt really know him...

i guess im also pretty unhappy with my job right now. multiple reasons. FYE is a music company, and music industry isn't going to stay afloat with big companies like that. between downloading and walmart and shit, there will be no need for a big specialty store like that. I want to be in a company i can feel secure that if my dream goals for a career dont work out i can at least try and make it far in a company. I see FYE going under in like 3-5 years.

the actual job is quickly losing my interest. i put cd's and dvd's away all day. and when i cashier i have to sell people bullshit or i get reemed out. not to mention my boss. i love everyone else there but him. hes just a fucking dick. thats all i can say.

it makes it hard to walk in and try and fake a smile everyday.

its so different from petsmart and a year later im STILL kicking my ass for quiting. i know they were screwing me over, but im sure i could have waited it out. because that actual JOB was what i was made for. animals. yanno i actually put my knowledge to use with customers, i could talk to people about how toc are for them and actually influence what they buy. i cant do that at FYE, i have to be a mindless zombie that just fucking shows customers where motley crue is.

*shakes head* i dunno. i learned from petsmart i cant EVER leave a job without something else lined up. so i guess i should try and fucking put some apps out. =[
[ dont let go ] 2 - [ hold me ]

heyoooo [July 24th|1.42am]
thinking about revamping my lj. i lovvvve fruits basket still but a new layout and such will give me motivation to write in here more. soooooooooo anyway yea. things have finally been slowing down and with that ive had more time to actually visit lj. all the rps i was in kinda died so im looking for new ones. any suggestions? so what have you all been up to lately?
[ dont let go ] 4 - [ hold me ]

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